The Language of Emotions
In this post, we’ll explore the idea of “developing an emotional vocabulary,” and we’ll use anger as an example.
Emotions provide us with accurate information about our personal experiences in relation to a situation. Even emotions that feel painful are often valuable teachers and guides. They can point to core needs that are met or unmet, which can help us to take actions that support our individual (and shared) needs and well-being.
In our experience, developing an emotional vocabulary supports emotional literacy, which can help us to better understand ourselves and others.
In fact, knowing what we’re feeling, and what that feeling is trying to tell us, can be a relational “superpower” — massively increasing our ability to effectively communicate with others.
Three Levels of Intensity
A good way to start developing this ability is to get in the habit of recognizing our emotions’ different intensity levels. This is an idea that comes from author, educator and researcher Karla McLaren (discussed in her books The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You and The Art of Empathy: A Complete Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill, which we highly recommend).
Let’s look at anger as one example.
Clearly, anger has many nuances, so it can help to understand the different forms it can show up in. The more familiar we are with its specific form in that moment, the more we can understand what it’s trying to tell us. What McLaren suggests is that there are three different “levels,” each containing many different “flavours” of anger within it.
Have a look and see what we mean! Which of these “levels” have gotten activated for you in different circumstances and in different moments?
Level 1: Soft Anger and Apathy
Annoyed ~ Apathetic ~ Bored ~ Certain ~ Cold ~ Crabby ~ Cranky ~ Critical ~ Cross ~ Detached ~ Displeased ~ Frustrated ~ Impatient ~ Indifferent ~ Irritated ~ Peeved ~ Rankled
Level 2: Medium Anger
Affronted ~ Aggravated ~ Angry ~ Antagonized ~ Arrogant ~ Bristling ~ Exasperated ~ Incensed ~ Indignant ~ Inflamed ~ Mad ~ Offended ~ Resentful ~ Riled up ~ Sarcastic
Level 3: Intense Anger and Hatred
Aggressive ~ Appalled ~ Belligerent ~ Bitter ~ Contemptuous ~ Disgusted ~ Furious ~ Hateful ~ Hostile ~ Irate ~ Livid ~ Menacing ~ Outraged ~ Ranting ~ Raving ~ Seething ~ Spiteful ~ Vengeful ~ Vicious ~ Vindictive ~ Violent
Anger’s Questions
Whatever level or flavour it’s showing up as, anger is usually asking us to reflect on the following questions:
What boundaries have been crossed?
What must be protected?
What must be restored?
What do you value?
Reflecting on these questions can help us realize the truth that, at its core, the gift of anger is a power within us — NOT a power over others. So, when we recognize that we’re feeling anger, at whatever level or flavour, we can make informed decisions about what to do with that particular energy. Investigating the questions above can be a helpful place to start, so that we can decide how to direct our anger toward healthy action.
Interested in exploring more? We highly recommend the books above for more details. In the meantime, check out McLaren’s Emotional Vocabulary List to help you get you started.
~Text by Solomon Krueger