What is Relational Empowerment?
I’ve been thinking about the word ‘empowerment’ quite a bit lately.
Am I empowered?
Do I empower others?
Intuitively the answer felt like a ‘Yes’, but I wasn’t sure so I looked deeper.
Much of what I found online was about empowering people to get what they want:
Money, a high-status job, material success, an ideal relationship, etc.
By watching videos and reading articles on empowerment, I didn’t feel empowered and at best they left me feeling motivated and inspired.
The overall message I got seemed to be something like:
If you get what you want, then you will be empowered.
Something felt off for me about this message and it seems so familiar to the classic capitalist story of: Go to school, get good grades, get a job, get more money, get the house, get married, get kids, get the things, get, get, get... and then you will be happy, successful or whatever. It places the goal as an external carrot at the end of a never ending stick. This didn’t resonate for me.
Then, a switch flipped and I perceived empowerment as a state of being rather than a destination, and I felt more resonance:
I am empowered when I know what I want, or don’t want.
I am empowered when I am present with myself and others.
I am empowered when I feel safe, not only with what is happening around me but also with what is happening inside me.
I am empowered when I feel at home with myself.
I am empowered when I have the agency to bring my inner experience to the world and have an impact on the external world.
I am empowered when I know that I matter.
From this non-destination perspective, I also reflected on how I can support others to be empowered and these statements resonated with me:
I can empower others when I give them space to speak.
I can empower others when I ask them questions that I am genuinely curious about.
I can empower others when I welcome their inner experience without defensiveness, judgment, or a desire to fix or change it.
I can empower others when they feel safe enough with me to have an impact on my experience by saying what they need or want.
I empower others when they know that they matter to me.
This frame of empowerment is a relational process that we bring to our events and style of facilitating at AR-GO.
It’s a process of gaining (or developing, experiencing) inner freedom, autonomy, sovereignty, agency, self-esteem and confidence.
With this relational empowerment, we can then:
Show up more fully in our life and relationships
Be able to more easily convert intention into action
Take decisions based on what we want that impact ourselves and others in generative ways
Stand up for ourselves and others, naming our truths, values, and boundaries
Feel more at home with ourselves
Have you experienced relational empowerment in your life?
Have the events at AR-GO supported you in this process?
We’d love to hear from you about your reflections and experiences of relational empowerment.
-Text by Riley Drever