I Am Because We Are (Ubuntu)

Lately I’ve been hearing and feeling a lot of fear, blame, and judgment about many things, including about Covid-19, and the acute sense of disconnection many of us are feeling from our families, friends and communities. 

I interpret these difficult emotions as parts of ourselves that have been hidden deep within our psyche, because we judge them as unacceptable and are afraid of them being seen. 

Of course, even if they are hidden, these shadow parts often find a way of coming up unexpectedly—and when we are not working with them consciously, they can create all kinds of damage in our bodies and relationships, further propagating cycles of anger, hatred and separation in the world.

So, what can we do to bring more connection, compassion, and healing?

The first step is both extremely simple, and extremely challenging: simply becoming aware of and feeling our feelings. 

As the spiritual teacher Richard Rohr once said, “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” So, as we notice feelings like anger, judgment, or blame coming up, we can try bringing awareness to them and welcoming them as part of our experience. It can take great courage to let ourselves feel our messiest and most uncomfortable parts—yet in this process of noticing, welcoming, and feeling, the act of transformation through compassionate inquiry becomes possible. 

At AR-GO, we support one another in all the steps of this process. As we allow ourselves to be seen in both our ‘shadow’ and our ‘light,’ we may gradually start to notice feeling more authentic and more connected. As those parts are welcomed and honored, we can discover greater harmony and well-being that ripples out into every aspect of our lives.

In South Africa, there is a word - Ubuntu - that has been translated as, "I am because we are." It means, we are all connected—to the extent that we cannot be fully ourselves without the community. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who was a leader of the anti-apartheid movement and won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work, described Ubuntu as “The profound truth [that] you cannot be human on your own.” 

In other words, “We speak by imitating other human beings. We walk by imitating other human beings. We are human only through relationship. And that is fantastic because it says we are really made for this delicate network of interdependence. I need you in order for me to be me, and that is the fundamental law of our being. Ubuntu says not that you are human because you think; you are human because you participate in relationships. It says, a person is a person through other persons.” 

So, when we express and share those shadow parts of ourselves with people we trust, in spaces of empathy and compassion, we begin to recognize that every part of ourselves is reflected in everyone else, in their own versions. 

As we experience these similarities, we grow in our ability to offer compassion to one another, and to see another’s shadow not as something external to be judged, but as a piece of the human experience we all carry. We can realize that there is really nothing inside of ourselves that needs hiding. And in this space, together, is where the true transformation begins.

~ Text by Solomon